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Who would you like to date? Do you know what characteristics you are looking for in a soul mate? And do you know what you need to do to get the relationship you want?

One of my single clients lives in a big city where she works hard, fights loneliness, doesn't know how to find someone to date, and dreams of finding her ideal partner. However, when I asked her, "What are the qualities you want in the person you are looking for? she did not know. It's important to know.

In order to get what and who you want, you need to get clear about what you are looking for. How can you get closer to finding your dream date? Here is an I. D. E. A.:

I stands for Identify

Identify what you want. Get specific. Who do you want to be with? What is your idea of a great date or mate? Think of specifics and make a list. Don't get stuck on just the details of how someone looks. Focus on a broader range of qualities you want, such as, chemistry, sincerity, fidelity, intelligence, successful, etc. if you want to have a relationship that will endure.

D is for Details

Make a detailed list of the actions you can take once you know what you are looking for. Get out of the house, try internet dating, and tell friends that you would like to meet someone. Be action oriented. Put this list of what you are going to do in order of priority. What is the action you will take today, this week, and this month to move you closer to your goal of meeting someone? Put the activities on your calendar.

E stands for Explore your resources

What resources are available to you? How many friends will you call to set up activities you can do together so you can get out and meet people? How many places will you go? What resources are there for you to explore, such as the social calendar at your place of worship, local events, listings in the newspaper, reunions, classes you can take, interests you can pursue, etc.? Give yourself a certain amount to do. Keep a journal of what you have done. Be able to show yourself what has occurred at the end of the month.

A is for Actual

Actual and realistic goals are necessary for success. It is important to not have unrealistic expectations. You will become discouraged. Once you are clear about where you want to go, commit to only what you can do in a reasonable time frame. Have a time line attached to your plans.

Get specific about what you want; take action dont just sit around thinking about it; have a list of things to do that can be measured (how many times you went out in a week, or a month, for instance); and be realistic about how much time it takes.

Know what you are looking for and then take the necessary steps to make it happen. Think about the above I. D. E. A. when you are wondering how to find a mate. Love is out there for you.

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women’s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN’s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation